On 1/15/2022 I did it.
I did the last thing on my scaredy-cat list. Which was to ask for a guy's contact info...sort of. Let's just say I got to get out of my comfort zone.
In general when I'm outside I give off "Don't talk to me." vibes to ward off scary guys. But that might actually ward off EVERYONE who might want to talk to me.
Today, I was actually going to see some friends (whom I haven't seen in a while), but one of them got sick and decided to do a zoom chat instead. It was around 14 degrees today! If I caught a cold I wouldn't want to go outside either. It was all good. This meant I could stay at home...but then, I got a text from my scaredy-cat list friend, Neely (she said it's cool if I use her name).
"Hi Emel!
I was wondering if you're free today to go to a book store and pick up men (>▽<)"
I was laughing because it was perfect timing. I agreed to do it!
We picked a time and a bookstore and then we were on our way to meet up. On the train I felt okay even though I knew once I'm actually there I'm going to freak out. But maybe the weather is on my side today. It's really cold out, so there might not be many people there.
I get there...and it turned out it was pretty crowded! Why was everyone at Barnes and Noble when it's 14 degrees out?? This is the the kind of weather people from The Bronx would describe as, " It's mad brick!"
This Barnes & Nobel has I think 3-4 floors? I just went up and scoped the place out. The top floor had less people. So, I waited for Neely there. She came up the escalator with a bouquet of flowers. I jokingly thought, "Are those for me?" She bought them for her mom. They were so pretty.
We walked around the aisles of books looking for cute guys for me to talk to. She pointed some out who were cute, but they looked intimidating. And then I was worried, "Wait, I can't tell how old these guys are." Neely said not to worry about it and it's not too hard to tell.
She was so supportive and patient with me. There was this one guy I thought would be good to ask for his contact info, but I was blanking out on what in the world to say. How do guys do it? How do they go up to a girl and talk to them? This is so much pressure! I knew I couldn't leave the place without talking to ONE guy. Also, I felt bad for Neely because she was waiting (some feet away to record me) for me to talk to the guy, but I kept getting cold feet as I walked passed him. Then that guy went to a different section. We then went a floor down, scoped the place out, and Neely pointed out this guy somewhat standing in the open-deeply engaged in a book.
So a couple things that made me not want to approach him. 1) There were other people around. I didn't want them hearing me be cringy as I try to get his digits. 2) I knew I could start a conversation with him, such as, "What are you reading?" But I knew I would have trouble being smooth with asking for his contact info. After a while he then moved to the philosophy section and stayed there for a long time. I have to tell you I was not stalking this guy. I was taking a very very long time to build up the courage to talk to him. I pretended to look at some books. I walked past him twice while he was reading the book in his hand.
Then I went around the aisle and started over by working my to him. I then got a little distracted by some of the books in the aisle. I saw this huge books with "Ghosts" in the title. I took it off the shelf and wanted to read it, but I thought, "No! You're supposed to be talking to this guy." Then all of a sudden this couple knocks into a bunch of empty boxes that were stacked up near the windows (2 feet away from me). 40 small boxes fell to the floor. I was scared because the boxes were on my right, and the guy I'm trying to talk to is on my left (though he was more in the middle of the aisle. I was at the end of it), I thought he'd look over and see me (exposing me that this is my 3rd time passing through there). I watched the commotion with the boxes. Neely saw the boxes fall too. I was thinking of helping this other dude with the mess, but he just stood there (as if not wanting to pick them up) and I saw the girlfriend standing there. So I thought, "She can help him." He picked up a few as his girlfriend held his coat.
I snuck a glance at the guy I was trying to talk to (during the commotion). He didn't bother to look up! He was so drawn into the book he was reading. He probably didn't notice me walking by at all!
After a bit I finally took a step towards him and said, "Excuse me...?"
Note: My phone in my back pocket.
To watch the second video-my phone won't let me email it to myself or anything (I can't seem to post videos from other people's phones for some reason). You can and should check out Neely's TikTok to watch it.
If you watched it all, yes I ended up taking this philosophy book he recommended with me...a few aisles over just so I wouldn't seem weird. I met up with Neely and she said how proud of me she was. She then asked if I wanted to try taking to another guy, and I said, "No." No way! Maybe at some other book store on some other day. I needed a break.
Neely then said she wants to do this too. One of the things on her list is to "Hit on a guy at the gym," but to do it in a book store feels more comfortable (as a woman, if that makes sense). And then we left.
So, if you had fun reading about how difficult it was for me to approach a guy, look out because we're going to do it again. And next time Neely is definitely doing it too!
On my way home I actually started thinking about the guy. He was really nice! And he seemed knowledgeable and passionate about philosophy. This would have been a cute start to a NY love story, but even though I'll probably never see him again, I'm happy I got out there and tried! I was thinking on the train home, "How would he feel if he realized someone was hitting on him...tried to hit on him today?" He seems like a good guy, I hope he has/finds someone who's good to him.
You should know the point of this is not to score a date. The point is to get out of your comfort zone. Once you do that, that is how you gain more confidence in yourself.
Now, after being on the other side of the random stranger asking out another stranger scenario-I'm going to cut the next (cute) guy that approaches me some slack. This whole thing is terrifying and takes a lot of guts. I used to think if a guy easily approaches you he's probably able to ask out any girl not caring if he knows her or not...I guess I'll only avoid guys wearing shades as he talks to me. Anyways, women we should cut guys a little bit of slack. It's tough. It's easy to talk through text but it's something completely different in real life.
Oof, I'm going to have to write the next 3 things to do for my scaredy-cat list.
What are your thoughts? Would you approach a guy/girl you don't know for their contact info?
Best,
Emel