top of page
unnamed-7.jpg
  • YouTube
  • Black Twitter Icon
  • Black Instagram Icon
unnamed-9.jpg
Search

3/28/2022



They say you shouldn't talk to people about three things.

1) Your next move/future plans

2) Politics

3) Your love life


We'll be focusing on number 3 today because I can't get it out of my head. I'm sure you're not interested in a strangers love life. Don't worry I won't bore you with too much about it.


A few years ago I was walking down the street with my friend-we'll call her Jade. We were catching up because we haven't seen each other for a while. I told her the news of my new boyfriend. She was happy for me because, "it's difficult for two people to like each other." When she said that I was a little confused. Confused because when you walk down the streets of New York you see a whole lot of couples. How is it hard for two people to like each other?


Later, I ended my relationship with the guy. It lasted around 3 months? when it should have lasted a week. We were just two opposites. After that I did some online dating. I met guys who seemed to like me more than me...having any feelings for them. It seems a majority of people assume because it's online dating things should be able to happen faster, but then that's not a real relationship. A real relationship takes time. After a while on the app, I got tired of online dating and deleted it.


I'm going to tell this as fast as I can.


I hung out with an old friend. It all seemed fun and easy to be around him. Some old feelings I never told him about came back. I met up with him again. Told him my feelings knowing he's too busy with work to focus on any romantic relationship. Got rejected. And we're still good friends!


This is the third time I told a guy I liked him and got rejected. The difference with this time is that he took it well and he started being nicer to me (more than usual). Though for some reason it felt like an indie film where the two main characters don't get together in the end. I always hate it when a filmmaker or someone would say, "That's what real love is. Where no one ends up together." I reject that. No story really ends until (not to sound dark here, but) when the main character dies. We go through chapters in life, not movies.


Back to my friend Jade, she was right. It is hard for two people to like each other. Getting two people together is tough because we all have our own lives. Our own things going on and our own beliefs (on a lot of things). To aline with someone takes work and adjusting.


But I would like to add that it doesn't mean it all ends when someone says no. It ether means "not right now," or God saying, "this isn't the right person for you." (Obviously don't push someone to be with you. If you wouldn't want to be pressured into a relationship then don't do the same to someone else.)


For anyone who is scared to tell someone how you feel-it's difficult. For sure. I lost a few pounds because I was so nervous to tell my friend. You probably have thoughts like, "Will things change between us?", "Am I crazy?", "Maybe I'm misreading my feelings?", "For all I know they probably hate me", "I'm going to look stupid." And probably a bunch of other thoughts that are stopping you from doing anything. What you could do is have these thoughts for a day or two, tell them your feelings and be able to sleep at night for knowing how they feel in return...or live your days with, "Why didn't I tell him/her when I had the chance?"


For me, I'm glad I said something. Could you imagine if he one day got a girlfriend and I still have these feelings stuck in my throat? That would be messy if something slipped out. I do not regret it! There are also no regrets for the other two guys I told. Once I told them, it didn't take too long to move on. For this last guy though, my gut says to wait and see. That or just take a long break from dating and guys.


I know a lot of us are always waiting for the other person to do something. To show us some kind of sign. To make the first move. Though GUESS WHAT? They're probably expecting the same from you. Either find out now or live the rest of your life not knowing.


I say, "Go for it! You got this!"


Best,

Emel


P.S.

When I was met my friend who was visiting from California, it was too cold. I wasn't able to wear the sweater. (>_<) But it was great catching up with him.

There's always next time!


21 views0 comments

3/17/2022


Hey guys, spring is almost here!


For the entrepreneurs out there, what do you do after you finish a project? I'm not sure about you but before I find my next project, I spend some time feeling lost. And no, this is not on purpose. It's just a good ol' time to feel unsure about life, where you're going in it and if you're heading in the right direction. Maybe you've felt like this after each project, book, piece of art, song, film, or job you've done.


I'm not the first to say this-life is an endless journey of figuring out the next step you're going to take.



After posting the documentary Broken up on Youtube and putting up the last video (for now) on Tiny Homes NYC, I had nothing else to do. Though...I do have some writing pieces I need to finish, but it's all so daunting just thinking about it. Also, no one is really waiting on it so, I can finish it whenever (but that kind of thinking is not helping me is it?).


I told myself to take a week off. Which left me bored because there was nothing to watch on YouTube or Netflix. With a whole lot of thinking and some help from my bro, I am going to work on my own YouTube channel. We'll see how that goes. It's going to focus on stories in any medium - anime, manga, movies, books, tv shows, comics, writing or anything to do with stories. Wish me luck!


Besides that, yesterday a friend from high school contacted me. He said he's back in NY and wants to meet up. I was happy for a bit because it's been a while since I've seen him. But then again it's like those feelings you get at a high school reunion. You reflect on yourself and feel like you haven't accomplished much. You're still living at your parents' place, no one is into hiring you, you're not in any romantic relationship, you have no kids, it's been 4 more years and you're still not fluent in that language you said you're studying, and your fashion style has upgraded by 3% since you last saw your old friend (because you still have a bunch of stuff from high school/college. If it fits why throw it away?).


While my friend has been able to move out to California on his own right after college, got a pretty cool job, lives in a nice city, he gets to ride his bike to work, has cool co-workers and he can travel into NYC more than once a year. He's pretty well put together. He spends his Sundays cleaning his whole apartment! The only things I clean are my dishes, myself, the kitty litter and the bathtub. I need to step it up.


I've been running the possible conversations we'll have in my head over and over. Making myself pretty sad with who I haven't become yet. There's so much more growing I need to do.


You know what? When I meet him this weekend I'm going to show up in my most embarrassing sweater. I'm going to show up and say, "Yes, this is the type of people you hang out with!"



If it's not too cold that day, then yes. Here we go. My friend better watch out! And he better feel embarrassed.


Let's forget about him for a second. At times like this I need to tell myself that I am a flower. What kind of flower? Who knows? But I am a flower that's going to bloom at some point and when that day happens it's either going to be awesome or I'm going to be too busy planning my next move to notice. And that's how it will be for you too. Don't worry.


Now, if you're feeling bummed out with where you are right now in life, never leave the conversation in your head on a bad note. You can't control everything, but one of the few things you can control are your thoughts.


I say, right now is the perfect time to do it. Take a moment to do a little dance or close your eyes as you listen to this song. You have to listen to the whole thing or you'll be missing out. Imagine yourself with all of the people you love to be around, on a huuuuuge grassy field, having a blast at this big picnic. You're all enjoying the here and now.




Talk to you laters,

Emel



22 views0 comments

2/24/2020, Thursday



For all of the hard work you do for your dream, do your friends and family actually support you? I thought mine did.



Yesterday morning I was finishing the last episode (for now) on Tiny Homes NYC. For some reason we have gotten a couple new followers with no increase of views, likes or comments.



You can watch the first episode here.



Another project I finished was Broken. I spent Monday and Tuesday emailing people and messaging people directly on social media to watch the online premiere of the documentary.



I reached out to a bunch of people I know and friends that I haven't talked to in a while. One thing that I love about being a filmmaker is that it gives an introvert like me, an excuse to talk to people I secretly want to be friends with, but can't because making friends as an adult is hard (and sometimes comes off as weird). Anyway, a few people responded they'd love to see the premiere, some didn't respond, and some said they'd watch it later because of work.


Then, I got a couple people mention how I was progressing (in life? in film?), they were proud of me and even thanked me for brining light to the homeless issue.


Reading those messages I felt annoyed (though bringing light to the homeless issue has been going on for a long time. Most politicians don't actually care, so I'm not sure if the film, Broken will change the world). At first it was because I don't think I'm really doing anything. I haven't progressed in life. I'm still at my parents home and I'm not making anywhere near 4 or 5 figures. As for videos on YouTube, on average I get 10 views and no likes or comments. I have no idea what these people are talking about when they say they're proud of me or that I'm progressing.


For some reason I couldn't shake these thoughts off of my mind. I went to my Father and talked to him about it. This isn't the first time we've talked about our friends messaging us directly saying what a good job we're doing with our tiny home project, but get no response on our posts on social media. It doesn't add up. I asked, "I don't get how some Youtubers get so much interaction on their videos?" My dad said, "It's because those followers aren't family and friends. It's strangers that want to support them." He then said, "It's because they [our friends and family] are jealous. They see us doing what we're doing, and they know they're not doing anything with their lives." It clicked.


This pissed me off (Yes, I get some people can be too busy to be on social media at times, but ignoring us for years and only privately congratulating us does not make sense).



Note: We currently have 666 followers and this photo got 3 likes and 1 comment. That one comment is from someone who wants us to pay them to advertise our instagram account.



Note: This may be hard to read. We currently have 457 followers, 9 views, 3 likes, and one comment from my own Father. The video has been out for 3 days and was posted on 3 different social media platforms and in our facebook group that has around 1,000 followers.



Note: For Broken's premiere we currently have 81 views, 13 followers, 14 likes and no comments. The views here is much better than the the amount of views the other videos I made on EFH Film's channel. Though that's because I messaged a little more than 100 people (excluding the online groups I posted in).



This all seems so ingenue. It's funny because I thought this whole time no one disliked us. No one said anything bad about us online. They didn't dislike our posts. I assumed no one was seeing our work. Our videos probably aren't showing up on our friends feed ( though this could be a partial reason to the lack of engagement?).


I always heard successful people talk about their friends and family not supporting their dreams when they were climbing up to the top. It didn't seem like that was happening to my Father, bro and I. At the time I accepted those individual positive complements as people supporting us. But the reality was we have been publicly ignored by a majority of the people we know. We get friends telling us in person or in a private message, "I see what you guys are doing. It's great!" And they usually don't reach out to us out of the blue. It's when we contact them or want to meet up with them. They all want to stalk us without anyone else knowing.


Now that I know the truth, I feel a bit better. Why? Because for a long time I thought my work wasn't good enough. For a long time I've been making videos for an empty theater (figuratively). I've been posting our small wins on instagram that get 2-3 likes and no comments. I thought I was dumping hard work into a black hole. But, I didn't want to give up because I knew my work had some good points. I wouldn't work on something if I didn't see great potential. Now, that I know we're being ignored on purpose it shows that it has nothing to do with the work I put out. It has nothing to do with me and all to do with them.

That's fine. They can deal with all that dead weight, and I can continue to do the work that I want to do.


I want to tell all of them to stop following my dad and I if they don't actually like us. That way they can stop lying to us. It makes no sense to follow someone you don't like or who you don't want to support. It's not good for them.


If you're following someone you don't like, then unfollow them. Do it for your mental health, because your mental health affects your physical health in the long-run.


If you or anyone else is going through something similar, I hope this helps you in some way.

For those of you who aren't being supported by your friends or family with your dream-I know it sucks, but you just need YOU and ONE other person to believe in you. Even if it's a stranger passing by in your life. You don't need more people than that to keep going.


You got this.




A quick update: That new opportunity I was talking about (in blog #30)...you're not going to believe it. If you've been reading Bored Blogs for a while, you'll know I really enjoy watching Sam and Colby's channel. Sooo, I got an interview with their producer for a job! I was ecstatic for 5 days straight. After the interview I got an email this past Monday saying I didn't get the job...but, he wants to keep in touch and wants me to help them with a segment in the future! Which to me, is just as exciting. I hope to one day become friends with all of them. They're really cool people that actually do what they say they'll do. Basically a thing called, "Keeping your word." Something a lot of people I have met have yet to do.


Hope you're dong well. Have an awesome day/night!


Best,

Emel


19 views0 comments
unnamed-8.jpg
bottom of page