Bored Blog 21: Your Audience or Your Own Heart?

10/14/2021

Happy spooky season!

I'm not sure if it was only in the schools I went to, but from the end of elementary school to high school I had to write in a notebook to do some kind of "reflection." Usually there was a boring prompt and I had to reflect on things I didn't care for...such as my grades or anything relating to school.

What's great about not being in school anymore is that you can do thing such as self reflecting on anything you want.

For a while I've been thinking of these two ideas, "It's better to follow the beat of your own drum," and "Give them what they want." Personally these two ideas pertains to my filmmaking, my writing and my marketing on social media. Since the beginning I have been doing what I want to do, but those who are successful give what the the audience wants.

And so far I have had little success with my work as I've been following my heart.

And then there are those who somehow get to do both. As in their passion is what people want.

Say for Sam and Colby, they are YouTubers that travel to haunted or abandoned places for a living. Though I did look deeper into how they get money. It's mostly from the merch they sell, their membership site with footage only members can watch, and whatever money they get from their YouTube videos (they probably have more streams of income). You may think, "What is it that they're giving to their audience?"

Let me tell you, the audience get's to go to scary, and maybe SOMETIMES illegal places without the worry of getting caught, in trouble or even hurt. The stuff they do sometimes requires running and climbing. Not that I would mind doing the exercise, but a majority of YouTube viewers probably don't want to go through the physical exercise part. Oh yeah, and from what they've said, their audience is mostly kids/tweens (and me lol).

Sam and Colby get to do what they love AND give the people what they want.

I on the other hand...probably have a whole lot more to learn about audiences, but I enjoy doing what I want. Which isn't a specific thing such as ghost hunting, knitting or doing pranks on strangers.

You're probably in the same boat as me. So, what do we do?

As of right now, we should put on some goggles and experiment what works and what doesn't. Build up experience/portfolio to show you're not sitting around doing nothing. Do research, and we might have to ask for other's opinions and ideas to see if we're going in the right direction.

Though I do wonder how some people do what they want and somehow an audience finds them. Such as Van Gogh. People thought his paintings were weird. They didn't look natural. He lived a life of poverty and then dies. Then people started to appreciate his work. First off, that's not fair to him or any other artist. For myself I don't want to be a famous once I'm dead. Would you?

No, no one should want that. Your work needs to be appreciated now.

For the time being, keep moving forward. Keep expanding your knowledge and keep trying.

I'm going to continue until I get this right. So, you might have to wait a little until I can give you a better answer on how to actually touch the stars.

If you have any thoughts about this, I'd love to hear about it.

You can send an email at LuckyDaruma7@gmail.com

Best,

Emel

Bored Blog 20: When You're Feeling Small

9/28/2021

Hello,

I'd like to apologize if any of my blogs have seemed immature and whiny. There's a lot of things I want to do, and that I hope to do. I'd like to share my stories with you. I hope they somehow help you with whatever it is you're going through right now.

It's hard to say if my wants are selfish or not because I want it all.

You know, in a lot of great movies (before, I don't know 2010 let's say) the characters have strong wants and needs. That is what made them a great character. That is what makes a great story. That is what pushed them past their limit. That is what made them into a better person (most of the time).

Social media lets you project what you want or makes you look like you have you want. Which over time can make you trip on your humanity, trip on being yourself and trip on having real relationships.

Luckily I have some good relationships. I try my best to be myself even when it is scary, and I remind myself of my humanity.

I used to go up to the roof of my building (before they put the "no trespassing" sign up). I'd go there, look down at the streets and feel that first gush of wind on my face. I'd look at all the beautiful tall buildings around me. Don't tell anyone, but I'd sing up there. I'd go there to sing without holding back.

I would go around the roof to look at each side of the building. Each side had a different view. I would have the strangest feeling up there. It was like I felt small but for some reason I felt really warm.

(I wish I took photos, but this is another roof I went up to.)

It took me a while to put it into words. It's like that feeling you get when you look up at the stars at night. You remember how small you are, but not in a depressing way. When I figured it out, this is what I was feeling, "I am small but I'm part of this great big world."

And so are you.

You are part of something grand. Something so much bigger than yourself, but without you it wouldn't be the same. If you're with people working on anything, that's amazing. It's hard to find a team to work with. If you're on your own like me, then you're still amazing. Many people would quit. If you were thinking of quitting, DON"T. You're going to get there. Everything has a right time and place. No, you don't know when that will be, but it's not going to happen by sitting around.

Sometimes I may seem whiny about things not happening. That's because I'm frustrated. When I'm frustrated that is when I ask questions. "What else do I need to do? What am I doing wrong? What can I change? What if I tried a new angle? What would Monkey D. Luffy do?! What would Tony Robbins do? What would Sam and Colby do? What would someone else do? What would my future confident self tell me to do?" Then I try all these different things. That's why I'm usually all over the place. I tried opening an online t-shirt business, I tried writing my first ebook, I am publishing a book of poems chapter by chapter, I'm starting to collect TikTok dances before publishing them, I'm posting more stories on instagram, I'm trying to find filmmakers to work with, I bought a lot of my own merch to advertise with, and I'm going to keep trying whatever I can to be financially successful so I can make whatever films I want whenever I want.

Now, don't stress out. Take your time. Go outside, sit in a chair upside-down, meditate, look up at the stars. Take a moment to sort out your thoughts and figure out the next steps to where you want to be.

Best,

Emel

Bored Blog 19: We Found Mold in Our Room

9/15/2021

I share a room with my sister and we started to get some black mold in one of the corners of our ceiling. It's definitely from our neighbors upstairs. They have some kind of washing machine even though it's illegal to have one in your apartment in NYC.

I was getting into the groove of doing my arm work out in the morning, writing a poem for To be a Straw Hat, editing episodes for the tiny home channel, learning more about business/social media and some other productive things. Instead my sister and I had to throw out a lot of moldy things. We also ordered new beds. My sis and I have shared a bunkbed for 20 or so years...we finally got new beds...that apparently are also kid beds. Though they look really nice. I love that they have shelves for my books. And then my sis made me agree to throw out our other shelves because it turned out they had some mold too.

We didn't realize how much stuff we had. We had to dump a lot of it into the living room (our brother's room) so there would be enough space to build the new beds. For a few nights we had some sibling sleep overs. Though it wasn't too fun. We couldn't stay up late to chat because our bro has a 9-5 job. Also he was grumpy to have our stuff in his space.

It's been 8 days of cleaning the room, throwing away things and organizing. We're still not done. I do think it's nice to spend less time on the computer. Also, our family doesn't always interact during the day. Since we've started cleaning we have all been talking more.

It is good we're getting rid of old things, but I really really wanted to get back to work. The more things we have to do with our room, the more I felt further and further away from my goals.

"Your home is an important part of your life. You should take time to take care of it, clean it, reorganize it and whatnot"...is what I kept telling myself. It convinced me half of the time. The other half of the time I was thinking of many things.

Looking back on how much thinking I've been doing, I need to take more action. I need to focus my energy on my goals and grind, take a brake, and then grind some more.

I was watching Undercover Billionaire on Discovery Plus before this big clean up. The thing that successful people do is network. Network IN PERSON. They actually talk to people. Now, I never understood the right way to network and negotiate with people. Other people say to be genuine, but I had no idea what that looked like.

I now understand that it means to really give. Give your time so they can help you. Another thing I learned, is that there are many ways to make money. Of course I already new that, but to see it with my own eyes is very different.

It has inspired me to find a part time job for anything so that I can grow some income on the side. Maybe I'll make some connections and see how we can help each other. So, went on craigslist and I applied to clean at a hair solan, be an extra on a film, and to be a model (no experience needed!). Everyone else was asking for a lot of criteria that I do not have. I don't have a driver's license, I don't have x years in marketing, x years in cooking, x years in anything but some of this and that in filmmaking. For writing, I'm not good at editing (boring/important) papers. Also, you need to be knowledgable in whatever subject they want. I'm a free spirit writer. I don't know much about war, science, or addiction.

I never get a reply from anyone on craigslist, but who knows.

Lots of other things are going through my head right now. I'm feeling lost. I see the options I can take, but I feel lost. All in all I just want to live an awesome adventurous life. Making a 7 digit income is where I want to go. At the moment I'm making less than a dollar from the change I find on the street (I found a quarter a couple days ago!) Other than that I'm healthy, my friends and family relationships are pretty good, and I'm doing what I like. There's just some adjustments I need to change to be financially successful.

I'm already saving money. Got that down. Making my money work for me is tricky because I don't know any experts in anything to help guide me. I'm also managing my own money and not having someone else manage it. So I'm partially there.

Once my sis and I are done with our room I can work on a schedule to make sure I'm being productive in making money, reaching my creative goals, and to stop being so serious about everything.

I hope your week has been good and productive.

Best,

Emel